the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
