I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
