what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
