So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
