# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
