Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
