we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
