I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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