listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
