No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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