my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
