I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
