An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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