it wasn't lemon gatorade
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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