To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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