I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
