I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
