he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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