Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
the raccoons are back...
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