when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
