apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
