She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's like heaven, but drunker
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
