they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
