with your own penis?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
