I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize