woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
