ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
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