Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
