If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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