shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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