I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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