There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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