I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
