i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
