Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if only i could text you this smell
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
