and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
