The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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