How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want her autograph on my taint
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
