I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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