I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
