We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
