Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
