i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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