can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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