I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
