all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
