I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
