Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
