do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
