So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
