you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
