im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Randomize
