I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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