Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
