They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
