I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
