i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
