Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
