atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
