I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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