Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
