I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
