Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
