Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
