toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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